Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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