u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
