I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I want a musical about memes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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