I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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