you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Enjoy the penises
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
