Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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