woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
