If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
