I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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