Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
