just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
