Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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