The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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