So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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