I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
