Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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