I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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