Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
