I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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