I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
