Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
