Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Randomize
