I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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