There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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