then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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