He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
