I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
