I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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