I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
