Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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