I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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