I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just tell him i said nine months
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
