i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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