just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
