I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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