**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
