I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
