I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
