I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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