If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
