Don't you send me to vm
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
