Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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