This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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