This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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