guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize