Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
