My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize