So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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