I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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