either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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