the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
