I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
