That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
