New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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