I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
