he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
