Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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