are you still at the devil's house?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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