if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
