just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
