my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
