dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
