Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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