This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
