I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
