I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My bed smells like the plague
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